Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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