why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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