We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
