its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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