guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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