3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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