I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
