She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
