you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
