They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
