I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
