i just had sex bonerless
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
