I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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