yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
