it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
