we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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