...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
40s are totally the cure
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
