Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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