omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
