you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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