I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
