cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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