HIV tests are more positive than that guy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize