Small penises have feelings too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
