So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
