Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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