I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Still dying that you shit outside
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
