I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
