god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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