Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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