I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
...so i touched it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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