Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
