so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
