the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
