It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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