And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I touched a dick in church today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
