Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
