Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
