I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Actions speak louder than pants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
