NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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