I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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