It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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