It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
