if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
