exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
