ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
