Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
