we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
