I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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