I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
