Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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